1. Ignore the first five people
who say ‘good morning’ to you.
2. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp
your hands over your ears and grimace.
3. Leave your fly open for one hour.
If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way”.
sideways to the photocopier.
5. While going in an elevator, gasp
dramatically each time the doors open.
6. When in elevator with one other
person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
7. Finish all
your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy…”
8. Don’t use any
9. Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge
10. Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.
Run 3 laps around the office.
1. Say to your boss, “I like your
style”, wink, and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2. Kneel in front
of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
3. Shout random
numbers while someone is counting.
4. Every time you get an email, shout
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has
got over his or her caffeine
addictions, switch to espresso.
I.T. help desk and tell them that you can’t seem to access any po*n*graphy web
1. At the end of a meeting,
suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing
national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
Walk into a very busy person’s office and while they watch you with growing
the light switch on/off 10 times.
3. For an hour, refer
to everyone you speak to as “Dave”.
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting
that you “really have to go do a number two”.
5. Call someone in the office,
when they answer, say “I really can’t talk right now I am very busy.”
After every sentence, say ‘Mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent. As “The
report’s on your
desk, Mon.” Keep this up for one hour.
7. In a meeting
or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, “Shut up, da**
it, all of you just shut up!”
8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees
and announce, “As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again!”
the following conversation 10 times to the same person: “Do you hear that?”
“Never mind, it’s gone now.”
10. Present meeting attendees with
a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.
the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
often as possible, skip rather than walk.
13. Ask people what s*x they are.
Laugh hysterically after they answer.